At the local pool, a young Asian woman sat nearby reading Jordan Peterson’s ‘ 12 Rules for Life’.
I had to explain to Mirko who Jordan was.
” You look at book she is reading… I’m more interested in what she is wearing, her bikini not covering very much.”
I explained the phenomena of online Influencers and how so many were nothing more than snake oil salesmen and hucksters taking advantage of the confused and vulnerable.
“Young men need role models that they can relate to Mirko. Academics like Jordan won’t be able to resonate with young tradies, for example. Whereas you could. How about you start a podcast?
‘ Mirko’s Easy Guide to Building and Living ‘. You can upload videos on how best to tackle home renovation projects, small scale property developments and avoiding the pitfalls of shacking up with inappropriate women. What do you reckon?”
” Some days you talk bullshit. How do you come up with this idea?”
I gave him the example of how he’d previously forewarned a younger John Setka (CFMEU UNION leader) about choosing his wife carefully. This was a perfect example of how younger men could avoid the pitfalls of marrying the wrong woman, for example.
“This is true,” said Mirko, “I tell Johnny, the woman you have as girlfriend, is not the same as the one you should marry. Too many men make this mistake. You need stability and routine in a marriage. A man needs to come home from work and find his wife waiting with dinner… this is nature. This last woman Johnny married expects him to cook dinner when she comes home. This is going against nature.”
Mirko, when he is not being distracted by women in skimpy bikinis, his sage like advice could prove priceless to unsuspecting young blokes rushing blindly into unsuitable marriages.
“Listen,” he continues, “just because you enjoy some dirty weekends with one woman, does not mean you should marry her. I know, I make this mistake. This lesson cost me bloody millions.”
Mirko explained how he left a perfectly stable (albeit unadventurous and staid marriage) for a roller coaster second marriage.
” At this time, my business is successful. I am making a lot of money. I am driving a new Mercedes and people take notice, of course. And women look at me differently. I think maybe I should upgrade to a new model. Younger, sexier one. You understand?”
He paused,” Anyhow, I divorce first wife. New wife she has a baby, but then everything goes kaput; she stays in bed most days. I come home after work, she is still in bed, and I never find dinner ready. I think, how long can this go on… come on, as a wife, you have your duty. Like I have mine as a husband.
But the situation does not change for years. Doctors say she have depression. Of course, she has depression; she stays in bed all bloody day. I tell this doctor if she gets up and does something, she will feel better. Come on, minimum, she must do is clean house and cook.”
His wife suffered from postnatal depression, however Mirko refused to accept the diagnoses. And thought the doctors were part of a conspiracy against him and against nature.
In my experience, many older Croatians are into Conspiracy Theories… and long before the advent of the internet. Before George Soros, Bill Gates and The Clintons, Croatian conspiracy theorists had Tito, the Orthodox Church, and the Serbs to keep them perpetually paranoid about the machinations of ‘The Black Hand.’
Mirko says, ” Listen, my aunt in Croatia has thirteen children before the war. And the only time she spends in bed was to sleep and to make these children.”
Mirko’s marriage eventually soured, and she left him for a far more compassionate and understanding man, one that Mirko regularly dismisses as ” this Slovenian poofter.”
He now wants another wife. “Will you help me, yes or no?” he pleads. “I’m not a young man. I do not have time to waste.”
Mirko has decided he wants to marry an Asian woman and has roped me in to help him find a suitable bride. ” Listen, I do not understand Asian culture. So, you must help me.”
I went through the pros and cons of the various ethnic groups and suggested a Malay woman might be appropriate, and then I dropped the M Bomb.
” Muslim? My aunt Milica roll in her grave if I marry a Muslim woman. During the war, Bosnian partisans come to her village and I no need to explain more.”
On the subject of respecting the dead, I explained ancestral worship and how an Asian woman would probably place him way down in the priority order. Her children would come first (I’m assuming only a woman with children would contemplate marrying him) and then she’d set up a shrine in his house to pay respects to her family.
” Listen, I do not care who she prays to if she cooks my lunch and dinner at the usual time. I do not want any Uber Eats…you understand?”
We tossed up the idea of an Indian woman. I then explained that high caste Indians would turn up their noses, their snobbery is legendary. He took umbrage. “I’m not interested in Gypsy looking woman who thinks she is too good for me…”
” I think a Chinese woman is best for me, what you think?”
I told him that his property portfolio might just get him over the line.
By Fab Marsani
